Grief
by Elliewelly1
Summary: Why!" She screams, falling to her knees and thrashes her arms on the mud, "Why did you take him from me?" Tears stream her cheeks but the rain washes them away. Her head collapses in her hands and she sobs.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N; Since the summary didn't tell you as much as I wanted to tell you, I have decided to do a little summary info part of my own for this story. 'Grief'. Let me tell you, I cried just thinking up this storyline. So if you're one who hates stories that make you cry...you shouldn't read this one.**

**It takes place ten years into the future of what the show is now. Danny and Alice are still together, Charlotte and Olivia AND Evan (He's back! Well..in this story he is) still live there, as well as Caroline, Dupe and Nomsa. Vanessa is still at Mara, Rowan is nowhere to be seen! x**

**It's in Dupe/Alice's/Charlotte's POV. I wrote this because I want to show how much Danny and Alice love each other, and how they need each other. I don't want this to happen AT ALL.**

**Yeah, so, Here goes...**

**Btw, thanks for anyone who reviews, or has reviewed any of my WAH stories..**

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(This Chapter is the short one..it's basically like an intro..)

**_Dupe's POV_**

The rain beats down heavily on her face and she looks up into the clouds. "Why!" She screams, falling to her knees and thrashes her arms on the mud, "Why did you take him from me?" Tears stream her cheeks but the rain washes them away. Her head collapses in her hands, and she sobs. I want to step out and help her; but she is beyond help.

I always knew that Danny couldn't live without Alice. But watching her now, I realise, I had never truly thought about how hard Alice would take it if Danny died...

I don't think Danny would've made it through it. And from the look of it, I don't think she'll make it either. She sobs and sobs and sobs...shaking and screaming. Everyone else has left but her and me. She doesn't realise I'm here.

Alice reaches out and touches Danny's grave and then looks up at the sky, "I love him!" She screams, and then sobs again.

I have to help her. But now is not the time. So I walk away, and prepare myself for the emotionally dead Alice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Alice's POV**

As Evan and Olivia start to walk away, they each touch my shoulder in respect. I nod towards them but say nothing. Olivia has been crying throughout the whole service. Evan has been shaking, I don't think he can even cry. He's the lost the man who was like a father to him.

Everyone walks away and I'm left staring down at Danny's grave. It's black marble, his name inscripted in white. Underneath his name is his date of birth and the day he- No, Alice, don't think about that.

So my eyes travel further down the gravestone. _Committed Husband to wife, Alice_ it says_, Loving father to Rosie, Evan, Olivia and Evan. _The perfect description of Danny.

I drop the black umbrella I had been holding, my hands trembling too much to hold it anymore. I watch it fly away in the vicious wind. Throughout the whole service, I had been holding back the tears. I had been putting on a brave face. Just so everyone would think I was doing okay. So that I didn't make it worse for anyone else. But that's not true, I'm not doing okay. He's been gone little over a week and I don't know how I've made it through that much.

I look up to the thunderous sky and rain attacks my face. I don't care. Suddenly I can't hold it in anymore. I fall down to the mud-tight earth on my knees and scream up to the gods, "Why? Why did you take him from me!" Sobs envelope me and my face falls into my hands. I can't hold in the sobs. I don't want to cry, Danny wouldn't like it. But Danny isn't here. Danny's gone. There was no way of getting him back. No matter how much I had tried when it happened.

_His head, cradled in my hands, lifeless. His mouth parted, after saying the words 'I love you, Alice'. His dying words. The paramedics run over and feel his pulse. There isn't one. They tell me he's moved on, but I refuse to believe them. Not my Danny, he's a fighter. I try doing compressions, I try the kiss of life. The paramedics protests but I keep going until I burst out in sobs. The paramedics try to take him away, but I won't let them. I cling on to him, rocking backwards and forwards, stroking his grey hair. He can't be gone. Not my Danny. I need him._

I reach out for the marble stone that marks that Danny is here, lying under the ground. Anyone passing by won't spare a glance in the direction for his stone. I will. They should. Everyone should know about Danny's life. They should know how amazing he was. They should know about how caring he was. They should know about how kind he was. They should know about how much he loved me, about how much I still love him. How much all I wanted right now was to be in his arms, and that's never going to happen.

"I love him!" I scream, and the sobs take over again.

I hear a crackle in the leaves. The sound of footsteps. That's when I realise someone must've been watching me. I glance briefly over to my right, and see Dupe walking away. He's lost his best friend- and for that moment, I don't care that he's seen this side of me. He doesn't love Danny as much as I love him, he doesn't feel this aching hollow feeling I feel where my heart should be. But Dupe will understand.

I watch him go. Soon he becomes a blob in the distance. My hair whips my face and covers my eyes. I look down at Danny's gravestone and let out a small wimper.

"I love you, Danny." I tell the ground where he's buried, "I always will. No matter that you're gone. Things won't change. I need you, Danny. I don't know how I'm going to survive this; but I'll try, for you, Danny. Because I know you don't want me to give up."

There is no reply. Then again, I wasn't expecting one.

A few tears roll down my cheeks and as an afterthought I add, "If I do give up though, Danny, please don't hate me."

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**A/N: What d'you think so far? You think I have captured what Alice is feeling okay-ish? Let me know! :P**

**xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Alice's POV**

It's been one day since Danny's funeral. It's been one day since my break down at the grave. I haven't said a word, yet alone cried in front of anyone. I've been holding all of it back ever since his funeral. I cried when I tried to sleep. I hardly got any sleep. But I didn't expect to. I woke every hour. The nightmares were bad. They were all of Danny. They were all of his dying face. His dying words. How I tried to frantically bring him back to life, even though he was gone. The empty hollow feeling that overcome me when Dupe held me back and they took him away. How I reached out and called his name, but there was no reply. 'What are we going to do, Dupe? I need him.' Those were the words that woke me. Realistion floods through my system, I need Danny.

I stare at my mug that holds my hot cup of coffee. I can't bring myself to look up from it. Danny used to drink coffee every morning, we used to drink it every morning together. Though I didn't need waking up, just seeing Danny made me insantly awake.

I can't hear the words Nomsa is speaking, nor Olivia. I know she is leaving. She only came back to Africa for his funeral. She's running away - This was the place where her mum died, and now her stepfather. Evan only lives a while away, with Grace. I didn't even suspect them. Until one year ago when they had told us all. Danny had smiled at looked at me with happy eyes. All he wanted was for Evan and Olivia to be happy. Evan was happy with Grace. I suspect Olivia is probably happy with Thabo, but I know the death Africa has brought doesn't make her happy.

Charlotte sits beside me and gives me a hug. I don't feel it. But I know my nineteen-year-old daughter is trying to comfort me. But there is nothing that anyone can do or say that will help. I told Danny that I would try and recover. But was that likely? It didn't feel like it right now, but maybe time will heal the wounds. I know that there will never be a point in time that I will forget Danny, or be fully over him. There will never be a point when I don't miss him and there definately will never be a point where I stop loving him any less. But things have to get better. People go through things like this everyday, things must get better, right? Time doesn't pause, stop, rewind, or fast forwards. You have to live it for now. Time won't stop for you, and everyone finds a way to get on with their lives. But if Danny is my life, what on earth am I supposed to do?

Dupe sits in front of me, I hear his chair groan under his weight, and hear his beer bottle clink down onto the table. He's been drinking a lot more lately. But that is to be expected.

Dupe says something and I look up from my mug. I stare at him blankly. I didn't catch what he'd said. Charlotte lets go of me and I watch her wander off. Probably to go check on some animals. She had felt the need to do that since Danny had left our lives forever.

Nomsa grabs her washing basket and walks out. Leaving me and Dupe alone in the kitchen. I watch him blankly, my eyes are slightly unfocused. Everything is blurry on the edges. That's when I realise tears are gathering in my eyes. I look down at the table and wipe them away self-consiously. But it's Dupe here, and he's seen me cry before. He's seen me worse. So I look back up at him.

"You've got to try." He tells me, and I blink. It's as if he's read my mind. Everything that just went through it- Did he know that I was trying? Did he know I was thinking about it?

"I am." I respond.

Dupe shakes his head, "No, you're not. Not hard enough. I know it's hard. I can't imagine what you're going through. But- But Danny was my best friend, man. So I know that it hurts. But you've got to move forwards. For Danny."

I look back down at my mug, "Maybe." I say quietly, "Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I don't want to try. But I do in other ways. For Danny. I told him that I would try. I told him on the day of his funeral. When you walked away. I told him I'd try to move forward. But...but I...don't hate me if I give up, it hurts so much Dupe. It's a feeling that no words can describe, and it's slowly taken over my whole body. I can't do anything normal, even this mug reminds me of Danny. I can't sleep, I don't feel hungry, I haven't eaten since he-" My throat closes up and I struggle for words, "Since he's gone. I know that's bad. But I can't. I tell myself that time must heal wounds. But I can't see it personally. It feels like it'll take my whole life to get rid of this empty, hollow...burning, aching, feeling. I just don't know what to do."

Dupe takes a while to respond. He obviously never realised that I knew he had been there at the cemetery.

Dupe takes one of my hands in his and I look back up into my eyes, "You, Alice," He starts, "Were loved by that man. He would want you to move on. Even if it doesn't seem like you can, you have to move on. It's going to be hard. But know we're all here for you. I'm here for you, Alice. We'll fix you, together. We've got to try."

Try.

I muse on the word for some time. The word try does not mean to succeed- but it doesn't mean to fail either. It is inbetween. I should give it a shot.

"Thank you, Dupe." I say, my voice is hoarse, "I'll try. But I can't promise that we'll fix me. And...and don't hate me if I give up."

Dupe squeezes my hand in his. "That's a good enough start." He says - though I know he wants to say more.

I thought at that moment, having somebody tell me that they're there for me, would make me feel better. But it didn't. I didn't feel any better at all. I looked back down at that mug. My coffee must be cold by now.

I decide the coffee must go, it reminds me too much of Danny. So I stand and Dupe lets go of my hand. I shuffle over to the sink and pour it out. Watching it go down the drain. I leave the mug on the side- empty.

Just like me.

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**A/N: I just realised I wrote Evan twice and forgot Charlotte on Danny's gravestone. Please forgive me if I ever make mistakes like that :) **


	4. Chapter 4

**Dupe's POV**

Alice comes out of her room. I watch her from the doorframe of the kitchen. She doesn't see that anyone is there. Her eyes are blank, and unseeing. She sits herself at the table and Nomsa looks up at me. Alice rings her hands on the table and sits frozen, just staring at them. I shrug at Nomsa and she takes the Coffee she was making and passes it to Alice. Alice opens her mouth to say thanks - but tears gather in her eyes and all that comes out is a small whimper.

Charlotte stares at her from across the table sympathetically. Alice runs a hand through her long black hair - Danny liked it long. That's why she never cut it any shorter. She'd do anything for Danny. Alice's hands wrap around her cup and she just sits and stares, empty. There is no words to describe it. Alice is gone, and I don't know how we're going to get her back. She lost herself when Danny died, and you can't undo that. How are we supposed to fix her?

_I fly out the truck when the paramedics arrive. I've just been sitting and staring. Alice has been holding Danny. She's been talking to him, soothing him. He was talking back too- until he moaned. Alice told him that he needed to be patient, that the ambulance would be there soon. But Danny shakes his head. Alice's eyes gather up in tears and shakes her head back too, and tells him he's stupid. I hit my head back on the head part of the seat. Ach, no. I've lost him. Danny. My best friend. I know it. Danny takes Alice's face in his hands and he pulls her towards him. He kisses her gently- full of passion, romance, life. Everything they'd ever been through was sealed in this kiss. He pulls away and tells her he loves her. She says she loves him too. Danny smiles. two minutes later he's limp. I don't know if Alice has noticed yet. She's stroking his hair, rocking back and forth, soothing him. The paramedics arrive. This is when I fly out the truck. I crouch by Alice. They feel his pulse and one sighs. He looks up at Alice and tells her there's no pulse. There's nothing they can do. Tears are on the verge of falling over her eyes, and she says no. She says they have to do something. She stars compressions, the kiss of life, anything, everything. She tries so hard. She starts sobbing and the paramedics try to take him away- she won't let them. She holds him again and sobs, saying his name and stroking his hair. They keep trying to take him away and she keeps clinging onto him. And what did I do? I take hold of Alice's upper arms and pull her into a hug. She drops Danny and the sobs overtake her. The paramedics load him onto the stretcher, and take him away. She shouts his name. She turns back to me, and asks, "What are we going to do, Dupe? I need him." Her face is tortured and she's shaking so badly. I'm terrified. I've never seen Alice like this. I don't know what to say. So I say nothing. _

Charlotte tries to comfort her mum. She goes to her side and wraps her arms around her. Alice flinches, and Charlotte grimaces but doesn't let go. Alice just keeps staring. At that mug. I know she's not coping well- I heard her sobs through the thin walls. She screamed into the pillows, too. Muffled sobs and screams run through my head.

I walk over and take a place where Charlotte had sat. "I need to speak to Alice." I tell Charlotte. She nods and walks away.

Alice looks up, and her eyes are red-rimmed. Her expression shocks me, and I sit speechless for a while. Nomsa picks her washing basket up as she realises that she should go, and leaves. I stare at Alice, she waits for me to speak. I wonder if she'll ever start a conversation again. She looks down and wipes away a few tears, and then looks up again.

"You've got to try." I tell her, I know she's not trying. Not hard enough.

Alice blinks, "I am." She responds immeadiately, her voice is scratchy- probably from all the screaming. From his funeral and last night. I can tell she hasn't had a decent night's sleep in forever, bags bruise under her eyes and she looks empty. She looks frail, too thin. She must've lost too much weight this past week. In fact- I don't think I've seen her eat a thing since Danny passed. Her top hangs off her, which makes her look even worse.

I shake my head, "No, you're not. Not hard enough. I know it's hard. I can't imagine what you're going through. But- But Danny was my best friend, man. So I know that it hurts. But you've got to move forwards. For Danny."

She looks back down at her mug, "Maybe." She says quietly, "Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe I don't want to try. But I do in other ways. For Danny. I told him that I would try. I told him on the day of his funeral. When you walked away. I told him I'd try to move forward. But...but I...don't hate me if I give up, it hurts so much Dupe. It's a feeling that no words can describe, and it's slowly taken over my whole body. I can't do anything normal, even this mug reminds me of Danny. I can't sleep, I don't feel hungry, I haven't eaten since he-" My throat closes up and I struggle for words, "Since he's gone. I know that's bad. But I can't. I tell myself that time must heal wounds. But I can't see it personally. It feels like it'll take my whole life to get rid of this empty, hollow...burning, aching, feeling. I just don't know what to do."

She knew I was at the gravestone with her. Did she want me to see her scream and breakdown like that?

Her voice is full of raw emotion that it takes me a while to process what she just said. Her voice on it's own is too much emotion for me. A depth I will never understand. -Not unless Caroline, ever...Not that I want to imagine that.

I take her hand and she looks up at me once again, "You, Alice.." I struggle for words for a moment, "Were loved by that man. He would want you to move on. Even if it doesn't seem like you can, you have to move on. It's going to be hard. But know we're all here for you. I'm here for you, Alice. We'll fix you, together. We've got to try."

Alice's face is set in indecision for some time and I hope she's thinking it over.

"Thank you, Dupe." She says, her voice is hoarse, "I'll try. But I can't promise that we'll fix me. And...and don't hate me if I give up."

Dupe squeezes my hand in his. "That's a good enough start." I say. But I want to tell her she can't give up.

I won't let her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Alice's POV**

One day passes. It doesn't feel any better. That night I scream and cry into Danny's pillow. It smells of him.

Two days pass. It doesn't feel any better. That night I scream and cry into Danny's pillow. It smells of him.

Three days pass. It doesn't feel any better. I don't sleep at all. I cry and scream until my eyes sting and my throat is red raw. I hold Danny's pillow so tight and try to imagine it's him. It doesn't work.

Four days pass. It doesn't feel any better. That night I scream and cry into Danny's pillow. It smells of him. But it isn't him.

Five days pass. It doesn't feel any better. I scream and cry and kick and thrash about. I need something- anything. Anything that will show me a reason to keep trying. I'm starting to lose hope.

Six days pass. It doesn't feel any better. It's good to know Dupe is trying. I scream and cry into Danny's pillow. It's starting to lose his smell. I realise all the traces of Danny are starting to fade away.

One week passes. It doesn't feel any better. They're all talking about getting another vet, someone to help out. But I don't want that- Nobody can be a good vet like Danny, nobody can ever replace him, I won't even let them try. I sleep without touching Danny's pillow that night. I sleep one full night's sleep. But I don't feel regenerised, I feel even more exhausted.

One week and one day pass. It doesn't feel any better. Rosie and Max come to visit Leopards Den- She's pregnant. She helps with the animals. I wonder if she'll stay. I won't mind her becoming the other vet here- She's Danny's daughter.

One week and two days pass. It doesn't feel any better. Rosie asked if it would be if she stays, 'just for a little while'. I say it's fine. I want her to stay. I think she wants to be there for me. She missed out on his funeral; he's her dad, she couldn't go. She couldn't see him put into the ground.

One week and three days pass. It's getting worse. Dupe is trying to help again- he's real nice. I scream and cry into Danny's pillow again, there's only a faint trace of his smell left. How long will it take for everyone to forget him?

One week and four days pass. The days are blurring together. I used a calender to see how long it'd been, I thought it'd been longer. I smell Danny's pillow, and it's nothing like him. I start sobbing and throw it at the wall. I need Danny.

One week and five days pass. Olivia calls from England, she asks how I am. I don't tell her. I say I'm okay. A lie.

One week and six days pass. Dupe and me have a 'heart-to-heart' talk. He's really trying. He is.

Two weeks pass. Why am I trying?

Two weeks and one day pass. Am I trying?

Two weeks and two days pass. Danny.

Two weeks and three days pass. I thought by now that I'd have run out of tears. But they still flood out and over my eyes.

Two weeks and four days pass. Charlotte's getting worried about me; that's not good.

Two weeks and five days pass. Caroline wants to know if I'm doing okay this time- I wonder if Dupe's been telling her about how we talk.

Two weeks and six days pass. I don't think I can go on any longer.

Three weeks pass. I need something that will let me hold on to Danny. I've started to fall asleep with one of his shirts on. I only just came up with the idea.

Three weeks and one day pass. Should I keep trying?

Three weeks and two days pass. I feel worse. I scream and cry into my pillow. I don't get any sleep. I hardly eat, or drink. I've lost one stone.

Three weeks and three days pass. I feel terrible. Rosie went with Max to the scan. She wanted to know if I want to go along with them, but I just couldn't. It's their moment.

Three weeks and four days pass. It doesn't get any better, does it?

Three weeks and five days pass. Dupe finds me crying as I'm supposedly feeding the elephants. It's nice to know someone cares. But it doesn't help.

Three weeks and six days pass. It doesn't get any better. I don't understand how people get through this.

Four weeks pass. I don't feel any better. I think i've lost more weight. Charlotte's worried again. Nomsa's trying to feed me up. Dupe watches me with caring eyes. Rosie tries to talk to me. Caroline tries to comfort me.

Four weeks and one day pass. I. Need. Danny.

Four weeks and two days pass. I'm starting to lose all feeling, here. Even the pain is subsiding. But it's replaced with numbness. It's better than the pain. I can sleep without waking up.

Four weeks and three days pass. Help.

Four weeks and four days pass. Rosie came to me today, she told me she wanted me to be the godmother of her child. Technically, I'm her childs nan. I say no. What example am I to a child? How would I ever possbly be able to guide them in the right direction? Rosie understands.

Four weeks and five days pass. It doesn't feel any better.

Four weeks and six days pass. I don't sleep.

Five weeks pass. I'm starting to lose it. I need Danny. I need someone to love me. I haven't felt those arms around me in so long, I haven't heard his loving voice, his charming smile, or felt his magical kisses in oh so long.

Five weeks and one day pass. This is when I start to feel nothing. Dupe notices, he tries to help again; but I think I'm too far broken.

Five weeks and two days pass. Nothing.

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**A/N: Sorry if that got boring and repitive, but it's the only way I can get across the emptyness Alice has! :)**

**R-R-Reviewwww!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Dupe's POV**

The first four days, I hear Alice's muffled screams through the thin walls. Caroline hears them too. They last hours on end, I know she isn't getting much sleep. I stay awake and feel her pain and lose out on sleep myself. I try to imagine myself in Alice's shoes. Her love is gone- forever. But I can't imagine that pain. I know it must be at least a thousand times the pain I feel just thinking about it.

The next day, her screams are louder. I hear punches and kicks on the bed frame, when she's not in, I look in her room. Some of the headboard has been dented.

Oh, Alice.

I try. I really do. The next day I help her with the animals; something I never did before. But I know it's not helping. I need to find something that'll help. Alice is emotionally dead, and once people die, you can't bring them back.

So what do I_ do?_

We wonder if we should get a temprorary vet, someone that will help Alice while she gets through the death of Danny. Alice hears us, and she says that it wont help. She thinks we're trying to replace him, but that isn't true.

We ask Rosie and Max to come over. Rosie never came for the funeral because she said she didn't think she'd be able to handle it. They turn up, and it turns out Rosie's pregnant. She says that she was waiting until Danny's birthday to tell him...but that never happened. Rosie helps Alice with the animals, and I know Alice doesn't mind that. She tells me she doesn't mind because 'she's Danny's daughter'. I think she's just glad that a part of Danny is here. She says that Danny is slowly fading away from Leopards Den- which isn't true. She couldn't be more wrong. We need Danny at Leopards Den; we can't just forget him.

One night I hear her sobbing- as always. But this time it's different. There's a muted thud, and then her sobs and screams are louder. She must've lost the pillow. When Alice isn't around, I go into her room, just to see. And I'm right, the pillow lies a foot away from the wall.

Olivia rings. Straight away she asks for Alice. I pass her on to Alice without asking questions. All I hear is that Alice tells Olivia she's "Okay."

I know she's lying. She hasn't lost that empty look in her eyes. But I made a promise to myself as well as Alice, I'm going to help her try, she can't give up. I won't let her. Leopards Den needs her just like we need Danny. Without them, what are we?

I talk to Alice, she ends up crying. I know by now that physical contact doesn't help one bit with Alice. She tells me it's only Danny's arms she wants to be in. I understand, I really do. I mean, why shouldn't she want that?

She's so empty.

Charlotte comes to me and asks me how Alice is. Everyone knows that Alice tells me how she's feeling; everyone tries to help her. But Alice thinks I'm the only one who's trying, I can tell. I look over at Alice. She's hunched up on the sofa with a mug of tea in her hands. She never drinks coffee anymore. She's lost so much weight. At least a stone. I tell Charlotte she's not good, but not to worry. I tell her that I'm sorting it, that I think Alice might get over it. Charlotte smiles and sits beside her mum. They're spitting images of each other. As well as personality. Well...not Alice's current personality.

Caroline is the next to ask me how Alice is. I can't lie to her, so I tell her she's not good, and I have no idea how to help

One night, Alice doesn't scream. I wonder if we're making a breakthrough- maybe she's finally realised how much everyone is desperately trying to help. That she can move on. I crawl out of bed and pad over to their- _her_ bedroom. I open the door quietly and see Alice sleeping peacefully, wearing Danny's shirt. I sigh. She didn't scream because she knew we were all trying, it's because she found something that was Danny...

She just sits and stares and honest to god, it scares me. It's been around three weeks. I would've thought that something would've happened, anything! Of course, I never expect her to get over Danny. I never expect her to stop loving him. I definately don't expect her to be with anyone else. But I thought something would be different, that she would be at least a little bit better. But...I think she's getting worse as the days go by.

Rosie brings home the scan of her child. It's amazing, it truly is. They've spent over ten years trying for a baby, ever since the miscarraige, and now they're finally having a child! Danny would be so proud. Alice is happy for them, and I think that's because she knows Danny would be, too.

But later, I find her crying when she's feeding the elephants. We sit for a while, waiting for Alice's sobs to stop. They always do, everntually. We sit for ages- hours on end. And finally, Alice stops. She looks up at me with her red-rimmed eyes, and she tells me she's not doing well. She says she doesn't know how people get through this. I tell her that there's always a way to get through it. She nods but I know she doesn't agree. I tell her I'm here.

'I know' Is her reply.

She never said it helps.

Rosie asks Alice to be the godmother of her child. No idea why, Alice is technically the child's nan anyway, since she's married to Danny. Later, I ask Rosie what Alice said. Rosie looks shifty when she answers, she doesn't look me in the eyes. She tells me Alice said no, but Rosie says she understands. I can tell that she doesn't. I try to explain to her how Alice is feeling. I tell her there are no words. I try to explain why Alice would say no- but Rosie tells me I don't need to, and rushes out the room. I see her tears. And I don't know wether she's crying for herself or for Alice. My own eyes well up in tears too, soppy old git, and I know I'm crying for Alice.

I hardly get much sleep anymore, Alice screams down the whole night. It's terrible.

Suddenly, she's really bad. I mean, real bad. Ach, man, there are no words for this. She's empty, and there's no other way I can put it. She suddenly doesn't make the effort to put on a false pretense, she let's everyone see how bad she's hurting. I think it shocks everyone. Alice doesn't touch her food- no matter how much Nomsa forces it upon her. Alice won't even tend to the animals anymore. She says it's Danny's job. She can't do it.

I've lost her.

And now my heart aches as I lie here in bed, thinking over the last few weeks. I promised Alice I would try to help her. I promised myself I wouldn't let her give up. But she's going to, it's going to get more worse. I don't think I tried hard enough.

Caroline shakes me gently, "Dupe?"

I look round at her, "Yeah?" I ask, my voice hoarse.

"Why are you crying?" She asks.

"I am?"

She smiles sadly, "Yes, you are."

"Oh." I say, wiping my wet cheeks, "Oh Caroline, I can't lose her. I told her I'd try to help. I told her I'd help her through it-"

Caroline lays a hand on mine and cuts me short, she instantly knows who I'm talking about, "Dupe, if she can't get through it- she can't. Nobody will ever understand the pain she's going through, and I don't think there's anything else you can do to help her, you silly man. Most of it is up to her. If she doesn't want to get through it; she won't. No matter how much we tell her she has to, and that she will get through it. Don't blame yourself Dupe. It's nobody's fault. Least of all Alice's. I know how you feel, nobody will stand it if she..." Caroline takes a deep breath, "If she gives up, nobody will like it. We'll miss her like we miss Danny- loads more than we can ever explain. We all love Alice, but losing someone you love, it must be hard. Never to feel them arms around you again; must be terrible. To never see their smile in the morning, which brightens up your day; must be heartache. Never hearing them tell you how much they love you; must be like hell on earth. But most, to live a life without them, to keep going on...well, there must be no words."

We are quiet for some time. "Okay." I say, "But I won't stop trying. She can't just give up and...and die on us." It's the first time anyone dares speak the words. I don't think Alice has thought about it, suicide, I mean. But I know at some point it will go through her mind. She'll probably see it as a way to be with Danny, and I don't know wether she'll go through with it. She had us, Leopards Den, Charlotte, a caring family here for her on earth. Whereas in, well god knows where, is that love of her life. And on earth, nothing seems to matter anymore to her- she's so empty, lost, broken. Beyond repair. I realise this, but I don't stop trying. She can't die. She can't give up on us. "I'm going to go get some air." I tell Caroline, and she nods, and watches me plod out the room.

The first face I come across is a thoughtful Alice. And in that moment, I realise she's heard everything me and Caroline said. And I realise she's suddenly thought about the option of suicide. She doesn't even wave, she walks past and into her room.

I realise at that moment, Alice is thinking about suicide. And it's all my fault.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry that I haven't updated in like FOREVER. But I haven't had a computer and i've had a ton of homework to do. It sucks, because I was in a really depressed mood and might've come out with something that actually made sense, haha...but now I'm happy so.. ^_^**


	7. Chapter 7

**Alice's POV**

I froze on my way back from the bathroom. It was around two in the morning, I couldn't sleep as usual, and I was tired of all the screaming that my room brought. I heard voices. Now, who would be talking at two in the morning?

I paused outside Dupe and Caroline's room, finding the source of the voices. They were quiet voices, hushed. Dupe sounded like he'd been crying. Why would he be crying? It sounded to me like Caroline was trying to comfort him. Her words shock me- they're talking about me.

"Dupe, if she can't get through it- she can't. Nobody will ever understand the pain she's going through, and I don't think there's anything else you can do to help her, you silly man. Most of it is up to her. If she doesn't want to get through it; she won't. No matter how much we tell her she has to, and that she will get through it. Don't blame yourself Dupe. It's nobody's fault. Least of all Alice's. I know how you feel, nobody will stand it if she..." Caroline takes a deep breath, "If she gives up, nobody will like it. We'll miss her like we miss Danny- loads more than we can ever explain. We all love Alice, but losing someone you love, it must be hard. Never to feel them arms around you again; must be terrible. To never see their smile in the morning, which brightens up your day; must be heartache. Never hearing them tell you how much they love you; must be like hell on earth. But most, to live a life without them, to keep going on...well, there must be no words."

Caroline got it in one. The hole where my heart should be ached hearing the truth in her words, I wrapped my arms around myself. Stopping my shivers, and trying to hold myself together. I mean, who shivers in AFRICA?

All I wanted was to feel his arms around me and tell me that everything was okay. I wanted him to tell me that I was being stupid. That this wasn't like me. But he isn't here! I can't even hear his voice properly anymore. Only specific memories stand out, I can't remember everything about us. I can't remember all the happy memories, or the sad ones. I can hardly remember anything, no matter how hard I've tried to hold onto everything about Danny- and it scares me. It terrifies me. I don't understand why I'm forgetting him when I can't get over him, or his death. How I can hardly move my feet in front of each other, because he's gone. How I can hardly bring myself to wake up in the morning, because he's gone. How I don't want to be a vet anymore, I don't want to do anything, because he's gone. If I feel that way, then why am I forgetting him?

"Okay." Dupe says, "But I won't stop trying. She can't just give up and...and die on us."

Die?

"I'm going to go get some air."

Give up, die, give up, die? That's what it was, that's what I needed. I would be with Danny that way- but what about Charlotte? What about Leopards Den? They were all here for me. I couldn't just leave them, could I? But Danny...my insides screamed for him. I needed him.

Suicide. That was the other option I had missed- it was the other option everyone already knew.

Dupe plodded out his room and saw me. His face light up in surprise, and then worry. I didn't say anything, I simply walk past into my room. I hate calling it that. 'My' room. It's Danny's room. It was his long before it was mine. I was taking his things. Everything.

I sat on my bed dazed. Suicide. Could I do it? Would I do it? Should I do it? How will I do it?

I thought of the many mountains and cliffs that hung around the rivers in africa. The sharp, jutting out edges, waiting for someone to jump. The rushing water, sparkling blue in the sun, waiting for it's next victim to take away. Waiting for someone who just needs to let go of everything. Even life. Someone who was that broken. Someone like me.

Somewhere along this, I lost consiousness. I think I was tired- or stressed. Probably both.

* * *

I woke up from the sunlight filtering through the ratted curtains. Flowing through the cutrains, it stung my eyes. Slowly, I opened them and stared at the ceiling for some time. I could not bring myself to get up. It was usually like this, but never this bad. I didn't feel like I _could_ get up. Usually, I just didn't _want _to. Right now, I think is both. The ceiling mocks me, bare and empty, like myself. I reach out, even though I know I can't touch it. It's far too high up. But I reach out anyway. The ceiling feels like the heavens, maybe high up there, lies the answer.

And suddenly, I'm in another time.

_My pale blue dress swished as Danny spun me around, I felt light, free. My long hair bounced as we danced. Danny looked down at me and smiled, and I forgot to breathe. Danny's eyes made me feel like nobody else was here- and it was just us. Though that wasn't true, I don't think people would take it too kindly if it were only me and Danny at our wedding. _

_"Have I mentioned, Mris Trevanion, that you look beautiful tonight?"_

_I blushed, "Maybe a couple of times."_

_He grinned, "Just checking."_

_The music played as we spun. This was magical, everything I could have ever wished for. Others danced around us, Caroline and Dupe, Fatani and Buhkle, Vanessa twirled Charlotte around, since they each had no other dance partner. Rowan never came back after Vanessa threw him out because of the Leopard. I didn't even feel like I missed him, I had all I wanted right here._

_I saw that Evan and Grace were sitted alone. They were talking, and looked like they were enjoying themselves. Olivia sat texting Thabo non-stop, ever since he'd got a mobile, you couldn't get her off it._

_"Having a good time, Mrs Trevanion?" Danny asked, feeling the need to call me Mrs Trevanion all the time. I have to admit, Alice Trevanion, well...it sounds amazing._

_"More than I can explain." I tell him, "You?"_

_He grins, "Why wouldn't I?"_

_And then he leaned in and kissed me, so gently I could hardly feel it, but it was amazing all the same. I hear the click of cameras and see their flashes through my closed eyelids. There were a murmur of 'aaws', but I can't myself to pull away, no matter how many people are watching. This was all I wanted right now, and this was all I was ever going to have- Danny._

Something changed in this memory though, I knew this because this memory was just as clear as the rest of the wedding. It was the most clearest and happiest memory I had of Danny- as well as the honeymoon. At this point of the memory, Danny was supposed to pull away and I was supposed to lean my head on his chest while we continued to dance happily. But this didn't happen.

_There were cries of my name, panicked ones. I surpressed a sigh, and pulled away from Danny, then opened my eyes. The scene before me confused me. Everyone was shouting my name, confusing me. Danny wasn't there, where was he? I took a steo back and turned to look for him, but instead, I found myself falling. It was scary- but I didn't mind. Infact, it felt like this was what I had planned to do when I first got there. People screamed my name, but I ignored them. Wind brushed through the strands of my hair and I grinned, feeling free. My dress whipped around and my arms flailed, but it felt right. For the first time in forever. Then I plunged into the dark blue water._

That, was what happened instead. But that wasn't a memory- it was a sign. A sign that showed that had to happen. I just had to do it.

* * *

I walk out my room and find Charlotte and many others sitting at the table. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her, holding her close. "I love you, Charlotte." I tell her and she smiles.

"I love you too, mum." She says, hugging me back.

I then kiss her forehead, and squeeze my eyes shut tight. Just so the tears don't escape, I can't let them see. Finally I take a breath and pull away. Dupe looks at me concerned and I just smile timidly. Then I stride out the room. Heading straight for the jeep.

I wonder how long it will take for everyone to notice I've gone. Will they forget me too, like they forgot Danny? Will I fade from Leopards Den, slowly but surely? Will they miss me, at all? Will they take care of Charlotte? Will Charlotte understand? Will any of them even understand why I've had to do this?

I suddenly realise that I was in the jeep, staring out over a cliff- that was quick. I must've been so wrapped up in my thoughts, thinking through each question slowly- or drove like a maniac. Probable.

I stepped out the jeep. I stared at the view before me- it was beautiful. The sun was slowly rising, I could see every inch of land for miles, I could see animals grazing. Every animal, you name it, I saw it, right there and then. Life was starting all over again. For them.

I took a few steps forwards and looked down. I was at the edge of the cliff now, the torrents of water crashing and flowing below me. All I had to do now, was simply jump. It didn't feel like I couldn't do it, and it didn't feel like I didn't want to do it. I wanted to do it. This was amazing. Soon I was to feel the wind blowing through my hair, taste the water in my throat, and be with Danny.

One foot hovered over the edge and I smiled, "I love you." I say to nobody in paticular. Maybe it is to everyone. Everyone who has ever loved me.

_I love you too,_ Danny's voice said in my head. I beam. _Always have, always will._ He says again.

I suck in a deep breath and-

"STOP!" Someone screams behind me.

* * *

**Dun dun dun! Who is it? Are they too late?**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I am so sorry! but i am ill and my mum wont let me on the computer but she's out at the mo so i've taken advantage. :) So, sorry if this is really sloppy but i'm writing s_peeedddyyy!_**

* * *

**Dupe's POV**

The whole night I lay awake thinking of Alice's thoughtful face. I kept telling myself that she'd never do that. She knew that we all needed her so much, especially Charlotte. She knew how hard we were all trying to keep her going. Especially me.

I stir my coffee, but do not drink. It's ten thirty and Alice still has not woke. Eventually she staggers out her room and my fears increase. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her hair knotted. She wears a shirt of Danny's over her pajamas, and her slippers. She stumbles over to Charlotte. She's been letting everyone see how badly she is hurting recently, and today...well, it's the worse. Her voice is hoarse and she holds Charlotte tight to her, whispering "I love you."

Charlotte smiles and replies, "I love you too, mum."

And then Alice lifts her head to press a kiss against Charlotte's forehead. She squeezes her eyes shut tight, and a few tears roll down her cheeks. This confirms my fears- she's going to do it, this is her goodbye to Charlotte. She's giving up.

Alice lets go of Charlotte after a minute. Charlotte grins happily and continues to read the magazine she's reading. Alice see's me watching and smiles, but it's fake and small and I see right through it. She makes the mistake of letting me see her tears, she makes the mistake of striding out the room too quickly to be normal, and she makes the mistake of walking outside in her pajamas, all signs that she's just letting go.

I clamber out of my seat and it scrapes against the wooden floor. Charlotte looks up at me and raises an eyebrow, but I don't even give her a second glance. I need to follow Alice, I need to stop her.

She climbs into the truck and speeds off. I run to the next jeep and follow her. It's like a police chase, she's driving like a maniac. I find it hard to keep up with her, and I do not manage too. She speeds ahead, driving up the mountain while I follow far behind. I'm only halfway up when she reaches the top but I can see her. Everything is slow motion to me now, my forehead breaks out in a sweat. I need to get there on time. I see her take a slow step out of the jeep. She watches the scene before her and smiles sadly. I'm nearly there now, but she's taking small steps towards the edge. I hear her call out "I love you!" and i'm not so sure who she is talking to. Wether she is talking to Danny, Charlotte, Leopards Den, Africa - maybe everyone.

She takes a big deep breath and takes a step, my mouth goes dry but I still manage to scream, "STOP!" at the top of my lungs.

Alice spins around quickly, and nearly falls off the edge, I jump out the jeep and run towards her.

"Don't come closer." She warns me, and I stop in my tracks. "Leave me be, Dupe."

"Look, Alice, this is stupid!" I tell her, but she takes it the wrong way.

She laughs bitterly and a few tears escape, "So now you think my feelings are stupid? Well, thanks for the great help Dupe!"

I shake my head, "No, I didn't mean it like that! I meant that we'll find a way, it's only been a little while-"

"Oh, Dupe, " She says quietly and pityingly, as if I'm three years old, "You heard Caroline. If I don't want to get through it- I won't. It's been nearly two months now, Dupe, and...and I know you're all trying to help but have you ever thought that maybe..." She takes a deep breath and looks down at the rushing water, "Maybe I don't _want_ to get through it."

I shake my head again, "No, see Caroline doesn't know what she's talking about, she-"

"Yes, she does." Alice's eyes lock with mine, "She got it in one. She understands. She's been through things like this before. When Sarah died. You wouldn't know-"

"Yes I do!" I shout, "When my wife died, I was a mess, but when the Trevanions arrived and fixed the place up, along with Caroline-"

"Dupe, don't you see?" She screams, "I don't _want_ anyone else! I don't _need_ anybody else, I need _Danny_!"

"What about Charlotte? How the hell do you think this affects her, eh? What kind of example do you think your setting-"

"Don't bring my daughter into this! She's nearly a grown woman and she's got all of you-"

"And you've got us too!"

"But she never lost Danny!" She counters, "She never lost the only one she's ever loved! I know...I know you're all trying to help. But- But it's not working."

"Please don't, Alice. Just give it time, Alice. You said yourself, time heals wounds-"

"But Dupe, I've given it time," She thrases her arms uselessly and her voice is small, she looks weak, "I was wrong, maybe it works for some people...but not for me."

"No, Alice, please I promised that-"

Alice walks over to me and puts a finger to my lips, "Shh, I know, Dupe, I know. I feel bad, too, more than I can explain. And I know you promised, but I'm the one who let you down, and let everyone else down, not you, remember that." She said, and kissed me on the cheek. Her blue eyes burning with sorrow- but excitement.

"And what if you don't find Danny? What if..what if he's with his other wife? You know, she's dead too!"

Alice grinned, "But he wouldn't do that. It's our seventh anniversary. We've been married ten seven years. But we've been together ten. But...if that does happen, if what you say will happen is true, then i'll regret my decision, but i've got to try."

My heart stops again. Trust her to choose this date.

She looks at me with her blue eyes as she backs away, "Please, Dupe. I love him."

And then she tumbles over the edge.

I run over and see her falling. She's smiling and screaming with excitement. It only lasts a split second, and then she plunges into the deep blue water, thrashing her around. But I no longer see her, and stare at the spot where she fell for some time. And that's when I start sobbing. I've lost her, and it's all my fault. What is Leopards Den without them? We need them. Charlotte needs her. First Danny, now Alice. Who next? I shouldn't be seeing them die. Not my best friend, and a woman who was like my daughter. I should be the one who should die first, not them. They deserve to live, they're still young.

I'm out for so long that eventually it becomes dark, and I climb into my jeep, still sobbing, and drive back to Leopards Den.

They all run out when I arrive back, "Anders! Where on earth were you?" Caroline asks.

"Where's mum?" Charlotte asks.

"What is wrong, Dupe?" Nomsa asks, seeing my tears.

My throat closes up and I look at them all. How can I explain to Charlotte that her mum just committed suicide? How can I explain to them all that I failed in trying to help Alice? And that we'd lost Alice too? We'd lost the two souls of Leopards Den.

"I'm so sorry, Charlotte." I start sobbing and take her in my arms, Caroline looks alarmed as well as Nomsa, Charlotte is still confused, "It's your mum.." I whisper.

She looks up at me and her eyes fill with tears, "What's wrong? Take me too her! Whatever it is!"

I shake my head, "No, Charlotte...She's...She's decided to be with Danny now. I tried to stop her but, but she was too far broken, and...and she..." But I can't finish my sentence, and I needn't. For everyone understands, and they all sob. Especially Charlotte.

For the first time in forever- I'm lost for words.

* * *

**Sorry, I'm really evil...I really didn't want to kill her off, she's my favourite character and everything...but she needs Danny! =P **

**Next Chapter up...whenever my mum is next out!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Alices POV **

"Please Dupe, I love him" I start walking backwards. I take small steps, assessing dupes reaction. He looks like he is trying to find the words to say. But even if he does find the words, they will not deter me from what I am going to do.

The rocky ground beneath my feet ends suddenly. Dupe's face looks tortured, but I only see him for a split second. I fall down, tumbling. I see the early morning sky above me, then spin over to face the murky blue water. Wind runs through my free hair and I scream from the thrill of it all. My body hits the water quicker and harder than I expect. I frown. The water pushes me to the left and I bump into something hard, whch knocks the breath out of me. It comes out in little bubbles, streaming to the surface. I'm thrown to the right this time, which shocks me and I gasp. Bubbles of water are rushing into my throat, it's burning like fire. Again, I'm thrown to the left and see it's a huge rock i'm smashing into. Why are there rocks in the middle of a river? Why am I not dead, I should have died the moment my body hit the water! It's all getting too much now, my throat is on fire and I feel numb all over.

Suddenly, I can see Danny. I forget all time and space, and to breathe. My heart sweels with pride that he's my Danny, and we're together. It feels like he never left, like I never went through weeks of grueling torture. Danny is holding onto something, or someone.

He opens his mouth to speak and I wonder why, we're underwater! "Why, Alice?" He asks, his voice loud and clear, not just bubbles coming out of his mouth. His face is a mask of pain and I frown.

"Why what?" I ask, forgetting that we're underwater. Danny nods at what he's holding. I turn to see what it is. My eyes bug wide and my hands clamp over my mouth. In Danny's hand, is me. My long dark hair floats around me, and my face looks different. Not different as in different because we're underwater but different as in...just _different._ My eyes are half open and I can see that my blue pupils are empty and hurt. My face is unbelivabley pale and thin. My jawbones are more defined and they stick out, my cheeks sallow. I can see why they all worried about me, and wanted to feed me up. I look _sick._

I look up at Danny, "How does that work?" I ask, still amazed that we're talking underwater.

"What do you mean?" Danny asks in reply.

"How can I see me, and you?"

And then, it all clicks into place.

Danny is dead and I can talk to him, see him. And I am staring at my own lifeless body, underwater. I can speak underwater at that, too. "I'm dead." I say in a small voice, realising that my plan worked.

One of my hands run through my hair and Danny stares at me with a depressive expression. "I'm dead!" I happily exclaim with a smile.

"_Why_ did you do that, Alice?" Danny questions me, "_How_ is that a good thing? _How_ can you be happy about that?"

I grin and shake my head. My arms wrap around Danny's neck and I pull myself close to him.

"Because, Mr Trevanion, I'm with you now.." I start and my throat closes up, but happily. I can't believe I'm really here with him. Danny pushes away from me with disgust on his face and I flinch internally, hurt.

"Why did you kill yourself for me, Alice? Why didn't you try to move on? I would have understood! Why didn't you listen to Dupe? What about Charlotte? I know she's nineteen now but she needs you! She's still young-"

"What would you do if I had died, eh? Would you have happily gone along with life?" My eyes gather in tears, "Well, even if you did, you're not me. I know it's different for you because you've lost two wives before but...but you're the only person I've ever truly loved the most. The only person who has ever cared about me. The only person who has ever made me feel complete." The tears start to fall from my eyes, "I've never been through this and- and I know you've lost two wives before so you'd probably get over me. What use am I anyway, eh?"

"Shh!" Danny tells me as I break into sobs. he smiled and takes me up in his arms. I melt into them automatically, obviously. "Alice you mean everything to me. Why do you think it hurts so much to know how much pain you were going through when I died? Why do you think it hurts so much to see you cry like this? Why do you think it hurts me to think you feel that way, that you don't mean anything to you, and that's not true? And I understand I really do, because if the situation were in reverse...I probably would have done the same. Alice, you've been my rock, you've helped me through so much and I've never been through stuff like that with anyone else. You mean the world and more to me. And I don't mean to be disrespectful to either of my other wives, but you're the only one I love."

Danny holds me tight and my sobs subside. I look up at him and smile, "But, what about Sarah? What about Miranda?"

"Miranda I have yet to see. Sarah visits Leopards Den frequently - only to check up on you. She knows how bad I was hurting to see you like this. I followed you everywhere, Alice. Sarah knew I needed you. She understood, and was surprisingly okay with that. She seemed to like you. Just like Olivia predicted."

"You didn't want to be with her?" I ask.

Danny shakes his head, "We drifted apart. Besides, you're the only one I need."

I nod and then playfully ask, "You followed me everywhere?"

Danny nods seriously.

I laugh, "I should have a restraining order put on you, you're like some kind of stalker!"

Me and Danny laugh for some time. I still can't believe that we are together. That I am here with him, in his arms, and I still wants me. That he still loves me. After everything, he still loved me. I look down at his hands to see that my dead body is still there. I find this creepy. Danny sighs.

"Let her go," I tell him softly, "She's not the Alice you love and know. She's different. She's broken. I'm right _here_, and I'm not going _anywhere_." My throat causes my words to come out hoarse, because they mean so much.

Danny's green eyes lock with mine for a moment and the whole world seems to stop to me. He seems to be struggling. So I take my body out of his hands and gently push myself away, letting go of everything, of the broken woman I had became. I was no longer her, because Danny was here. As she floated away, she looked at peace.

Dannys arms hud around my waist. I lean my head into his chest, "You know, this our seventh anniversary."

"I know. How could I forget?" Danny responds, twirling me to face him, "Happy Anniversary." He says softly.

"Happy anniversary." I reply.

Danny pulls me towards him and plants one of those magical kisses we share on my lips. It feels like he's never left me. This is all I've ever needed, and all I'll ever have - Danny.

_He was enough for forever._

* * *

**A/N: There will be another chapter, btw! :) **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Final chapter!**

* * *

**Charlotte's POV**

My keys clattered on the desk where I drop them there like my everyday routine. I drop my bag to the floor and hang my blazer on the coat rack. I pushed my hair behind my ear and walked into the front room. Thomas was already home, he stood up and grinned when he saw me. His deep brown eyes full of curiosity, "Hey." He said breathlessly, as if he'd been holding it all in.

"Hey." I replied, and I couldn't find anything else to say.

We stood watching each other for a moment. I struggled to find words. They never came. Thomas started the conversation.

"Well... Are you?" He asked awkwardly.

Tears pricked my eyes, "Yes." I whispered.

Thomas' face broke out into a grin. I was happy - but it felt wrong to be happy for this. Not on this day. Why'd I have to find out on this day of all days? Thomas crossed the room in two strides, because of his lanky legs, and pulled me up into his arms. I melted into them easily enough. This must've been how mum had felt, with Danny. I understood a little bit, I couldn't imagine living without Thomas. I loved him. Like I should, he was my husband, after all.

Thomas felt my tears on his wet shirt and pulled away to look down at me. "I thought...don't you want to be?"

"No, no Thomas it's not that..." I took a deep breath "I'm glad I'm pregnant, but..." I took his hand and lead him to the kitchen. In the bright yellow kitchen we had a calender. I lead him over to it and jabbed at the date which was outlined in bright red marker. February 19th. "It's the day she died, and it feels wrong to be happy, for her to have missed the moment. Thomas, it feels so horrible..."

Thomas shook his head, "She'd want you to be happy, Charlie-"

"How would you KNOW?" I screamed, "You never knew her!"

"But no mum would want their daughter to dwell on the past. She'd want her child to move forwards. Just like you. It isn't disrespectful, at all. It's not like you've forgotten her. But you can't live in the past, Charlotte."

I wiped my tears away, "Okay...but, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. You're right."

Thomas pecked my cheek, "And by the way, Dupe called."

I looked up, "He did? Why?" Dupe hardly ever called. I knew it was painful for him, he thought i'd stay at Leopards Den. But as soon as I could, I moved out. Leaving only him, Caroline and Nomsa there. Mum had died five years ago, and even though it had been a long time, it didn't mean I was coping with it well. She was my mum. But, I didn't feel angry at her for leaving. I understood. We went to the police after we'd all sobbed our hearts out, and they took her body out the river so we could have a proper funeral. The doctor Dupe went too, to find out what would drive my mum to such extremes, spouted off things like basically...well, her not coping well and going wrong in the head. Which wasn't true- she just needed Danny, she loved him. There was no other way to explain it.

"I...I think it's best if he tells you."

I looked at Thomas. I knew he was hiding something from me, but I let it go and grabbed the phone off the side. Leopards Den was number on on speed dial. The phone rang for what felt like forever and I rolled my eyes impatiently, knowing Dupe he probably wouldn't answer at all. But he did. The phone stopped ringing and a gruff voice said, "Hello, Leopards Den?"

"Dupe, It's Charlotte. Thomas said you ran earlier?"

"Oh, yeah. Hi. Yeah, I uh, I did."

There was silence for some time. "Well?"

"Well..uh...how are you? I mean like, it's um...the nineteenth. I was wondering. And..."

"Just spit it out Dupe. You know how I am, like any normal daughter on the anniversay of her mums death, sad. But, I also have news that makes me happy."

"What is it?"

"You tell me your news first."

"Well...Charlotte, I don't know how to say this but- but Leopards Den...I might have to close it down."

I nearly dropped the phone, "What?" I hissed. I know I had moved out of there because it had reminded me of mum, but that didn't mean I didn't miss it. It was the one place that mum's spirit was really strong. Especially in that animal hospital. I had become a vet too, I had become attached to animals because of growing up around them, but I was only a local city vet.

"Charlotte, the animals are dying and we have nobody to treat them, no animals means no guests, and no guests means no money. I don't want to do it. But I have to. I know how you feel. This is their place, Danny and Alice. But I see no other option. I don't want to get new vets- because that would be just as bad. They're...unless..." Dupe broke off and waited for me to speak.

I swallowed, "Dupe, you need a vet right? But not just any vet?"

I could feel Dupe nodding somehow. "Yeah."

"What about Rosie? And...and me?"

"You? You'd want to come back here?"

"Anything to stop my mums place going to ruins."

"Oh god Charlotte, I don't know what to say! Yes! I'll-I'll get in contact with Rosie. Oh, thank you Charlotte! Thank you!"

"Don't thank me Dupe. I want to do it."

"All the same. I'm going to tell Caroline! Uh, oh wait, what was your news?"

My lips curve up into a smile, "We'll tell you when we get to Leopards Den."

"How long till you move here?"

"I don't see why now isn't a good idea."

"Now?"

"Yeah, we can sell the house while we're over at Leopards Den."

"What about your job?"

I shrugged, "I couldn't care less."

"See you soon, Charlotte."

"Bye Dupe."

I turned around to see Thomas smiling at me from the doorframe. "I knew you'd want to go there." He said, crossing his arms across his chest and grinning even more.

"Am I that predictable?"

"No, I just know that you loved your mum." He said, walking over and hugging me.

"And Danny." I mumbled into his chest, "It was his place, too. He was like a father to me."

* * *

Dupe, Caroline and Nomsa all came running out the moment me and Thomas had drove up. I had rung into my job just before we left and let them know about quitting. They let me go, just like that, surprisingly. Thomas was sorting out the house. We had packed most of our stuff, all in a few boxes. Stuff that mattered to us, anyway.

"Charlotte! Thomas!" They all cried.

Dupe threw my open and pulled me into a bear hug, "We missed you!" He whispered into my ear.

I pulled away, laughing, "Going soft in your old age, Dupe?" I teased.

He grinned and then said seriously, "God, your getting more like her everyday."

"Who?"

"Your mum." Dupe told me.

That knocked the breath out of me. I took it as a compliment. My mum was an amazing woman. I'd love to be her. But I wasn't, but I didn't mind. She'd been perfect. I was glad I was slightly like her, though.

Me and Thomas grabbed out stuff and headed into Leopards Den. Dupe and Nomsa grabbed a couple of our bags too, while Caroline filled me in on what was happening with Rosie. Rosie had thought it was a great idea, and was due to arrive tommorrow. It was late, eleven at night. The silver moon was high in the dark sky, and crickets sung in the background. It felt odd to be back here, but it was nice- I was home. Me and Thomas were to have Danny and my mums room. Thomas squeezed my hand in reassurance and I glanced up at him and smiled. We unpacked all our stuff. Everyone was off to bed but I wanted to do something first.

"Where are you going?" Thomas asked softly as I grabbed my coat from the wardrobe.

I turned round to him and smiled sadly, "There's just something I have to do." I said, pecking him on the forehead.

He grabbed my hand as I pulled away, "Be safe."

I grinned, "I grew up here, you overprotective fool. Now, sleep!" I told him, walking out.

My sandals squeak and echo along the empty hallway. Everywhere I looked I see her - my mum. But it's not in a bad way. Of course, it hurts me to be reminded of her so much. But it feels like she's watching over me. I suddenly stop halfway down the hallway. Noticing something I hadn't before. On the wall, was a collage of pictures. All dating back to when me and mum first moved here.

The first photo at the top was of Danny and mum when they'd got some kind of award for the animals, since Rosie rescued the lion, they were crouched in front of the lion happily. The next photo was of me, mum and Danny. God, I looked so young! But we all looked happy. The next was from the family day festival, I remember that was the day Danny and mum told everyone they were together. Though all the adults and Evan knew. There were an array of photos of all of us together, happy times. But the ones of Danny, a man whom was like a father to me, and mum, stood out to me. There were happy ones of the two of them, obviously. Mostly of their wedding. They were spinning around on the dance floor while we all watched them having their first dance, and Danny was looking down at my mum with loving eyes. I never doubted his love for my mum. Mum was grinning like a maniac, and there was something in her eyes, too. Something inexplainable. Just, love. But so much more. She needed him. Another one was of them waving and dodging confetti everyone threw as they left for their honeymoon. Mum had her hand held out to shield her from it, but there was no point. Danny was huddled over her, catching all of the confetti on his back so mum wouldn't be hit.

The cutest one, though, was the kiss one. It was from the first dance, again. But mum had her arms wrapped around Danny's neck, and was stood high on her tip-toes. Danny crushed my mum to him, holding her close. Their lips were locked and their eyes closed. They looked happy. The sunset was a faint orange glow in the background, the dust dancing around their ankles. Mums hair tumbled down her back, glinting in the sun. Her pale blue dress was halfway through swaying to the right as she paused to kiss him. Danny looked a gentleman in his traditional black suit. You could see the love between them, feel the chemistry in the air. The picture felt precious to me- this was how I remembered my mum, and Danny, the man whom was like a father. The gold frame which it hung in didn't seem enough. I smiled. I had an idea. But it could wait till tommorow.

* * *

The graveyard was empty that night, naturally. Sorrow hung thick in the air. Sorrow for the dead. I couldn't help it, but as I trudged my way towards their grave, a couple tears fell. I could imagine mum telling me to not be silly, and drying my tears. I smiled through my tears and wiped them away. Leaves crunched underneath my boots as I walked along. They were the only noise I could hear. It was nearly midnight now, there wouldn't be any noise anyway.

When mum had...died, we'd had her and Danny's graves joined. They were joint together. In more ways than one. So they could be together. Forever.

I sat crossed legged when I sat in front of their grave. Danny's original words had been uncarved, and instead new one's were written across the two joint headstones. _DANNY AND ALICE TREVANION. _It said across the very top. It went on to a whole paragraph that I had written for them. It had cost a hell of a lot to be engraved on the headstone, but I didn't care. I'd spend how much I wanted to.

_For Danny and Alice, there are no words. For Danny and Alice, we understand. We understand why Alice is no longer with us. They were destined to be together- whether half their lives had floated behind them or not, or whether half their lives they will never live. These two people are unexplainable. No matter how much we tell you they are compassionate, caring, loving, kind, lovely, amazing...the words do not fully explain how much everyone loves them. They were there for each other, and for us, through everything. Danny breathed life to Leopards Den- and Alice breathed life to Danny. When he had given up. They needed each other, they loved each other, and that's all we can explain. It's unexplainable. Their story is not a typical love story, it is more than that. And to explain it would take a eternity and longer. Alice was beautiful, loving and a wonderful mum, and a great wife to Danny. Danny was caring, handsome and a caring dad, and the best husband to Alice. We miss them. __As every second ticks by, and the blood pumps through our veins, theirs will not. They will lie together in the ground, united. As our hearts hammer away in our bodies, theirs will not. But in spirit, theirs will only beat for each other. As we breathe in that smell of fresh air, they will not, but they will remember each other's beautiful smell. As we move on, and try to forget, they will not, they will remember everything about each other. They are always there- wherever we are. Every movement, every breath, everything we see will be reminding us of them. Because they're amazing. They are everything to us. We miss them. We understand. Nobody lives forever- no matter how much we wish they would. _

"I love you two." I whisper, and I realise I've started crying again. I laugh at myself, "Ignore me, please. I'm being silly. I know I shouldn't cry." I took a deep breath, "Anyway, I didn't come here to cry. I know you don't like that. I just thought I should let you two know, well, your going to be grandparents again. I mean, I know this child wont be your first set of grandchildren because of Rosie, and Evan, and Olivia! I never imagined her as a mum! Did you? But, well I'm pregnant as you've probably gathered. Olivia's moved nearby, you know. Rosie's moving back too. Olivia came back from England a couple years ago because she missed you- both of you. I miss you too, but, well...it doesn't stop what happened. Mum, I just want you to know I don't blame you. I understand what love is now. With Thomas, well, even I don't know what I'd do without him. Danny, I don't blame you either. It's not your fault, you were just in the wrong place in the wrong time. I don't blame the giraffe that trampled you, because it was scared. I don't blame fate, because it blew the wind to hard and scared the giraffe. I blame nobody. Death comes out of nowhere- and most of the time, there's nobody to blame."

I stood up, "I love you. I miss you. But you're here, in spirit, I can feel it."

I wiped away my tears and smiled. Then I ran back to Leopards Den.

* * *

_**Four years later.**_

Alice and Danny grinned as the elephants came towards us. "Mummy look!" Alice cried, always the one to shout, "The elephants!" She looked up at me as she pointed. Her bright blue eyes, the same as mums had been, were excited. Danny stood beside her watching intently. He was in a way, just like Danny had been. And Alice was just like mum had been.

"I know honey. Shush, otherwise they'll be scared and run away." I warned her, but I knew there was no use. She was three-years old, and happily independent.

Her shoulder-length dark hair swished as she spun her head to look back at the elephants. She'd gained the dark hair from Thomas. But it was like my mums. Danny had light brown hair, like I had. And I was told Danny had once had brown hair. He had green eyes too, like me. Like Danny. He was slightly taller than his twin Alice, but then again Alice was just little. But she was a little bundle of energy. The elephants came close enough to touch now. Her mouth popped open into a little 'O' and she reached out eagerly. Her hands run across the mothers trunk. She looked in a trance. "Hey, big elephant." She said softly, "You're really big compared to me! But I'm just really small! That's what Danny says!"

Though they were each like mum and Danny, they were also identical. Also inseperable, and incredibly close. Danny stepped forwards and patted the elephant on its leg. "Hey. Mum, what's this one's name?"

"This one? Her name is Tula. She was adopted by your nanny Alice and granddad Danny." I told them. "Hey, Tula." I said, and Tula greeted me with a snort. I laughed.

Alice laughed, "Why do we have the same name as them? Nanny Alice and Granddad Danny."

I shook my head, "Don't you remember, when we showed you the pictures of them? And I told you how I named you two after them?"

She nodded and Danny grinned. Alice said, "Oh yeah! She was really pretty, Nanny was. I mean like REALLY pretty. I remember, and Auntie Rosie was saying I look like her! I wish I knew her, so I could tell her how pretty she was."

"Yeah, my mum was pretty."

She looked up at me with those keen blue eyes, her eyebrows furrowed, "She was your mum?"

"Yes, that's why she's your nanny."

She nodded and Danny laughed, "You can be stupid sometimes! Silly Alice!" He laughed playfully. Tula rolled her eyes and walked away with her babies.

Alice and Danny were now having a tickle fight. I jumped when arms wrapped around my waist but then laughed at my foolishness. Thomas laughed in my ear, too.

I turned out of his arms and took his hand. We walked up the front porch together and Tabitha bounced past, Rosie's daughter, who was eight. Followed by Sarah and Danny, Olivia's two children, aged five and seven. Evans two daughters Anna and Annie, who were both six, had already made their way over to Danny and Alice, and had joined them in the tickle fight. I laughed. Then I heard the phone ringing, "I'll be right back." I told Thomas, who nodded.

Rosie beat me to the phone. As I turned the corner, her face was pale white. She looked up at me and said, "No, she isn't. Charlotte is."

I frowned and mouthed 'who is it?' but Rosie shook her head. She then handed the phone over to me, then walked out the room. I raised my eyebrows at her behaviour. I pressed the phone to my ear and said, "Hello?"

"Charlotte?" Came a voice I didn't recognised but seemed familiar.

"Who is this?" I asked rudely.

"It's uncle Rowan." They said.

My eyes widened, "Rowan?"

"Yeah...Charlotte where's your mum?"

"She's not here anymore." I said quietly.

"Pardon?"

"She died, Rowan." I said stiffly.

He was silent for some time. I heard soft sobs come from the other side of the reciever, "This is a joke, isn't it? Please tell me your playing some sick joke on me, Charlotte."

"I'm not. Rowan, Danny died after being trampled by a giraffe and Mum she...she wasn't the same. She commited suicide over nine years ago, Rowan. She jumped off a cliff and into a river on her and Danny's seventh wedding anniversary."

"She...suicide?...Danny?....Dead?....and then, they were married?...A cliff?....Oh, god." His words all came out confused.

"Look, Rowan, I'm sorry. I know mum didn't like you but you hurt her so much when you ruined Danny's career by lying about the Leopard. I...look, how about we talk things through. Where are you?"

"I'm in Scotland. But, I can come over, if you want me too?"

I took a deep breath, I knew mum wouldn't like this, but it wasn't totally his fault Danny had lost his job. Besides, he had owned up to it after a while. He was my uncle, as well, I should give him a chance. There were two sides to every story. "Fine, whenever you can. Look, I have to go now." I said quickly as I heard shouts from outside, "The kids are acting up by the sounds of it."

"Kids?"

"Yes..." I started explaining the family tree, "Rosie and Max had a daughter called Tabitha. Olivia and Thabo had a son and daughter called Sarah and Danny. Evan had twin daughters, Anna and Annie. I had twin brothers and sisters, called Danny and Alice. Now, ring me later and let me know when you can come over, but right now I need to go sort them out. They're all a handful when they're together."

"Wow...Charlotte. I can't believe it, you're all grown up. Um, okay. Yeah, I'll let you know."

"Bye."

"Bye, Charlotte."

I placed the phone down quickly and ran outside. Rosie was holding onto a screaming Alice and Thomas was holding on to a thrashing Tabitha. I ran up to them. Rosie sighed in relief and handed Alice over to me. "Hey, honey. What's wrong?" I asked.

Alice wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve, "She kept tickling under my arms but it really hurt and I told her to stop! She did it on purpose!" She wailed.

Tabitha rolled her eyes, "No I didn't! Uncle Thomas, please let go of me!" So Thomas did so. Tabitha hugged Alice, "I thought you were telling me to stop 'cause it tickled! I'm sorry!"

I grinned at Thomas and he smiled at me. We left the kids to it. It was sunset, and the perfect end to a day. Me and Thomas walked hand-in-hand to the animal hospital. The golden plate outside the door that said _In memory of Danny and Alice _was perfectly unscratched. I smiled. Then I looked over to the entrance at my idea. My idea had been to blow up the cute photo of my mum and Danny larger and put it at the entrance. Then underneath it, it said _Welcome to Leopards Den. In memory of Danny and Alice. _Whenever Alice saw it she squealed and Danny said "Yuck!" But they were just kids, they didn't see how much that picture meant. How beautiful it was. It was amazing.

I watched the kids play and wondered if this was how my mum felt. I loved my kids, and I loved my husband. Had she felt like this, every evening when she watched me play with Danny by her side?

The note suddenly weighed a ton in my pocket. I carried it everywhere. I was crumpled from where I had opened it and folded it again so many times. I took it out my pocket and stared at it. _Thank you, Charlotte. We love you. _It read. I had found it the day I put up the large picture of mum and Danny. The note meant a lot to me. I knew it was from mum and Danny. It was perfectly written in mums handwriting, and fit the moment perfectly.

"I love you too." I mumbled too quiet for Thomas to hear "I miss you. But that's just what grief is."

Thomas wrapped his arm around me and I leant into his shoulder. Tears were on the verge of falling, but they were happy tears. Mum and Danny weren't alive, but they were still here.

All around us. Looking out for me. Watching our happy times. And I loved them for that.

* * *

**:) Please review! Man, that was a long one! Took me AGES! :) NEARLY FIVE THOUSAND WORDS LONG! :O I hope it made sense!**


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